My nipple is on Facebook.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
