she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
