the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
