Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
