Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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