Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
