i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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