she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
