bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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