i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
