Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
