Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
