dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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