It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
