I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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