he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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