How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
