question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just gift wrapped bread.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
