What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
