No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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