im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They took my balls.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
