Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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