sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
