you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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