So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
