I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
