I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
