nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
