Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
