The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
