Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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