im six kinds of drunk right now
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
