At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
