Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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