We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
