So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
