They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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