Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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