watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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