I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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