my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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