ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
