i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
