Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
