At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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