I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
