why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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