I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
