Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
