She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
