If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
