he wants to bone in the snuggie
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
